Are We Back to "Normal" Yet?

Photo by Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash

No, We Are Not Quite Yet Back to “Normal.” 

It’s been a while since I’ve written an article and posted on my blog. In part because of life responsibilities, in part because of my own conation, and in part because of exciting work commitments. But, it has been too long and thus I will be back on a quarterly basis to share my two cents about how we can observe current events or life circumstances and extract a valuable leadership and/or management lesson. 

Back to the topic at hand. We are *all* excited to get back to “normal.” What normal means differs from person to person, though, and upon reflection, my perception of normal may have evolved over the past two years. I think we can all agree that normalcy includes a decreased need for masking and an increase in social activities. Normal might even mean some time in an office space, on mass transit, less shopping online, and dining out. 

And while we dabble in the removal of social distancing and masking and aim to enjoy our lives again, we are met with an onslaught of disengagement, burnout, disregard (for fellow humans), and dwindling customer service. I know that if I easily know five people who are experiencing or who have experienced these feelings/encounters, I have no doubt that you have a list handy, too. In fact, you might be experiencing feelings of shoddy customer service or utter fatigue and burnout *right now.* What’s my point? Well, the pandemic may be ending, and things may be returning to normal, but there are lasting effects that we must become aware of and work to improve – NOW. 

Notably, the APA is incredibly concerned for the mental health of our youth – so much so that it has defined the deterioration of mental health in children as a crisis. And, as already alluded to adults aren’t all that with it either. From (the many) altercations on airlines to the hissy fits I see almost daily on the street, I fear we have forgotten how to co-exist. Turns out, there’s some truth to this assertion. 

The number one reason for people behaving in rude or uncivil ways is stress. And we all have undoubtedly experienced at least some stress throughout this pandemic. I need not go into the laundry list of just why people may have experienced stress of late, but it is worth reflecting upon how you, as an individual, feel you deal with stress. Are you more reactive? Less compassionate? Impatient? Quick to madden? Is it any wonder that conflict is stirring around us? I think not. 

What’s more, rudeness (a derivative of poor emotional regulation, caused by frequent and compounded stress), can be contagious. Say you get a delivery that was tossed around in the truck that it came to you on, and then it is used as a soccer ball in the street (you imagine). You now need to not only submit a claim with the company from which you purchased the item and hope for a replacement, but you must determine how to return the product in its botched packaging. Then, moments later, you are taking a call with a colleague who made a mistake on a project and you are noticeably short with them, striking an attack on their competency. You have passed on the angst you’ve just endured. According to Porath, people are three times less likely to help someone else if they feel they have been treated poorly. This means that we might go out of our way to be unkind, rather than kind, and that will consequently motivate the next person to pass on the snub. 

In the context of the work environment – whether onsite or at home – our actions definitionally affect others. This means that as a manager or as a colleague, we must be aware that our resiliency against rudeness has waned; we are at risk of infection! There is little chance for constructive feedback or conflict resolution in this state if we let the rude contagion win. The saying “kindness, pass it on” might need to be our new mantra, especially as we aim to get back to “normal.” A profound finding? Perhaps not, but I am taking note that in the days ahead I will put kindness at the forefront of my actions and communication. Try it with me. 

Until next time,

Brielle

First published on LinkedIn

Is There Validity to 360° Reviews?

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Research shows that leaders can use feedback from 360° review methods to understand and improve behavioral tendencies. Feedback is, after all, a powerful way to capture the scope of perspective about an individual (which may or may not be favorable). However, the opportunity lies in what people -- or better yet, the organization -- chooses to do with that feedback. 

There is a surprising set of data that shows underlying flaws with how these 360° reviews are being utilized and facilitated. Regrettably, most companies are missing the mark. Corporations that opt to forego regular performance discourse throughout the year, and instead rely solely on the annual review for an overarching picture of one person, can be misleading. The absence of consistent discussion about behavior and performance creates a black box; what will people say about me this year? Over time, employees and managers alike start to begrudge the process and disregard the results. What was meant to be used as an educational tool has instead turned into a villain.

Thus, it is not necessarily the tools corporations use for employee feedback and performance assessments, but rather the foundational expectations that are set. 

If you use a 360° tool, evaluate the internal perception of its worth. Are people afraid of it? Dread it? Think it’s the best thing since sliced bread? Regardless, you must consider the below in order for the process to be effective. 

It is imperative to: 

1) Have a plan in place for post-review feedback in order for said feedback to be acted upon and used. Without a plan (a coach, journal installments, 1:1 meetings, etc.) information is likely to only be received and never acted upon. Without effort, there will be no behavioral change.

2) Have a standard practice in place to ensure a) response confidentiality and b) standards of conduct. At times, feedback may not be authentically provided if staff believe their responses will come back to "haunt them" later on. Further, a review of another person is not the time to hash out personal conflict. All team members must understand this distinction or results will be skewed.

3) Make sure top leadership does not downplay its validity or importance. Without leadership backing the process, it's a waste of time. Not only is it time-consuming and costly, but it's also necessary to have a trained individual assessing the information, helping extract positive feedback (not just negative feedback that could possibly overwhelm and alienate the recipient). 

It’s also essential to be clear about the purpose of the 360-degree review while also coaching the staff on what to expect from the process. It's been found that the best 360 assessments focus on talents and capabilities first, prior to delving into areas that need improving. These are all components that assist in making the review process more beneficial and allow leaders to learn, as well as fine-tune their behaviors and attitudes. 

Unsure of where to begin with how to effectively get and give feedback? It may be time for a cultural climate temperature!

Take a Breath and Listen

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When I commence work with a client, I notice in our preliminary discussion whether or not someone is well adept at active listening or if it's going to be a focal point for our work together. The importance of active listening cannot be overstated. It establishes trust, offers validation, and is even a brain exercise from which we benefit. Then why do so few people listen well?

The two forms of listening are discriminative and comprehensive. Discriminative is developed at an early age and is the most basic form of listening. It does not require the understanding of words, but focuses on sound and allows us to distinguish the subtleties of people who are happy or sad, angry or stressed. It's the superpower of "how someone is saying something." Meanwhile, comprehensive listening involves understanding messages that are being communicated. Like discriminative listening, comprehensive listening is fundamental to all listening sub-types. The listener first needs appropriate vocabulary and language skills to comprehend messages.

There are other forms of listening too - Critical, Therapeutic, and Appreciative. But we often are too busy listening to our own thoughts or are waiting to say our piece. We're not very good at active listening; in fact, we're downright bad at it. Listening actively is an analytical exercise. It requires concentration on *all* of what is said. Not only the words, but the tone being used and the body language choices. Your opportunity is to process that information as it's received, forming conclusions along the way (and not before someone is done speaking).

But instead, we're conditioned to think it's acceptable to look at the text message we just received, open an email from your archnemesis, swipe left (or is it right?) on Tinder, and attend to WhatsApp messages, Slack pings, or even contemplate dinner options... None of that is OK if you want to show others you care not only about them but about what they are saying.

The good news? Listening is a skill that can be learned and there are techniques you can use to improve your listening effectiveness. First, set expectations. In meetings, it's best to let your team know what is expected of them. Do you allow the team to be disengaged, looking at their phones, or do you expect them to participate fully, and be attentive to what's in front of them? Contrary to common belief, multitasking isn't all that it's chalked up to be (it takes a serious toll on productivity!). In my household, I simply will stop speaking until my husband is off his cellphone and I know he is able to listen to what it is I am saying.

Some tips for helping you become a better listener:

• Identify Your Own Biases: Does the sound of someone's voice annoy you? Get past it and listen.

• Keep an Open Mind: Do not jump to snap judgments. Ratiocinate and flex your critical thinking capabilities.

• Mirror Back: Paraphrase what someone said to help your attention stay on that person and also to confirm you are understanding the intended message.

• Overcoming External Distractions: Set those expectations and resist the urge to pick up your cellphone or respond to emails while in the process of listening. [Short on time? No problem, but communicate that at the forefront. Expectations are your friend.]

Bonne chance!

First published on LinkedIn

Industry Highlight: Design, Engineering, and Construction

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We buy boys construction toys, and we buy girls babies and homemaker sets. The conditioning begins when we take the first swallow of earthly oxygen. Just take a peek at Gabrielle Galimberti’s Toy Stories exhibit if you think my statement is too bold - the global norm is far from teaching children gender neutrality. But what happens when women, or men, step outside the predetermined gender boxes (and all of the behaviors that come along with them)? How does this affect our professional and personal lives? 

After earning my undergraduate degree I worked for a small private university that specializes in architecture and architectural design. I worked in the office of admissions where I got to manage and work with students. Lucky for me, these students became architects, designers, and engineers - and I’m still in contact with a number of them. Recently, Tara Spencer and I were catching up and in a natural course, we ended up discussing the immense gender divide in the construction industry as a whole. I reflected upon a short stint of mine when I worked at a construction company. I definitively coined the culture as antediluvian and underdeveloped. I lasted at that place of employment for six months. 

The feelings came fluttering back. And my experience was not an isolated one. In fact, it was cushy. Tara, a licensed architect, and certified interior designer embarked on a data-collecting journey to capture other women’s experiences in an industry dominated by men and so clearly overshadowed by a boys club set of rules. 

Tara polled interior designers, architects, construction managers, engineers, interior designers, and product designers. As I read through the personal accounts of these female professionals being on the receiving end of microaggressions and clear dismissiveness, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor.

I am giving you this detail to set the stage for a series. We want to share real examples of what women have experienced in the construction industry, and offer ways you can maintain your confidence - you are credentialed after all - but also combat against the, at times, vulgarities. It’s a challenging feat; anyone who has been on the receiving end of lewd remarks can relate… There’s not an easy answer. At least not one that feels safe or necessarily appropriate.  

If you struggle with a male-dominated place of work, where your intelligence is overlooked and misconduct is rampant, tune in to this series. We aim to have you walk away with an understanding of what challenges women face in these fields, but also to provide proven tactics for managing provocation and realizing that you are not the problem. You are not alone and there is strength in numbers. Mainly, though, there is strength in knowledge. We can educate women to respond strongly and we can educate men that behavior matters -- as does allyship. 

First published on LinkedIn.