In recent sessions with a client, we have been exploring the (seemingly) fading skill of listening. In our individualistic culture, speaking more than listening is often encouraged and even rewarded. Dependent on the company culture, I’ve even observed silence being perceived as a weakness. But there is a fine line: speak too much and you may be viewed as being overbearing, having a low EQ, or even being an egomaniac… and this is precisely why focusing on the art of listening is warranted. But, if you speak too little, team members might struggle to understand what you’re thinking or contributing. What we miss here is that we can do both: we can speak intentionally and listen intently.
This client has stretched my perspective. We had to assess the nuances of listening when also dealing with a hearing impairment. In fact, it was this client who requested I write about what people should do when they have a hearing challenge and are asked to be good listeners. As we’ve worked together we have been pulling apart the complexities of not hearing well and creating opportunities for others to speak. This is a challenging task when there’s a fear of not hearing the person you’ve asked for input from.
We discovered solutions together:
The closed caption option on video chat technology (Microsoft Teams, Google Hangouts, etc.) is quite good and can be accessed easily.
Being vulnerable and sharing a physical challenge with team members not only allows room for empathy, it helps individuals feel more comfortable asking if they were heard (rather than assuming what they said simply wasn’t interesting enough to be responded to).
What we also uncovered is that there can be trepidation about not filling the talking void. It can be uncomfortable waiting for someone else to chime in when it’s easier to hear yourself talk. You know what you’re thinking, and therefore do not have to worry about not being heard. By pausing, and allowing others more time to speak, you open yourself up to potentially not hearing them, which can be challenging. But, as mentioned, it is less daunting if you have already disclosed any impairment upfront. What’s more, sharing any hearing challenges can decrease the probability of conflict and make for more effective workplace communication.
What’s interesting is that even if you do not have any challenges with hearing, these tips are still applicable. Are you being thoughtful about others’ thoughts? Are you taking up the bulk of the talk time to overcompensate for an insecurity? If you can start to ask yourself these questions, you are on your way to being a better listener.