What Are You Staring At?

We’ve all encountered this less-fortunate circumstance. We are speaking with someone and they are unintentionally (let’s hope it’s unintentional) staring blankly back at you. Their face is telling you they either care little for what you are saying, or they must have forgotten to take out the cat’s litter box.

What this tells us is two-fold:

1. Our physical actions speak volumes (especially when in opposition to the words coming out of our mouths).
2. We need to be cognizant of what our face says – and our body – not only when we are speaking, but when we are listening.

Common traits of effective leaders include intelligence, confidence, charisma, determination, integrity, and sociability. Typically, too, these traits are conveyed early in your interactions. Early impressions are made in less than seven seconds so we better be ready.

Be in the here and now.

In our digital age we are conditioned to be easily distracted. Whether it’s the laptop in front of you, the cell phone by your side, or the multiple alerts you’re receiving on your smart watch, we are beyond skillful at being anywhere but in the present moment. Not only does presence in and of itself encourage active listening, it ultimately saves time. When we actually hear something the first time, it does not have to be repeated. When there’s recognition of comprehension, conflict is less likely. Temporarily putting devices “on the shelf,” so to speak, will even improve relationships. Whether it’s your colleague or your spouse, you will be viewed as more engaged and respectful.  

Posture.

It’s a silent orchestra playing to your tune. Are you timid, embarrassed, and void of confidence? Or, do you believe in what you are saying, and can subtly encourage active listening with the ever-slight adjustment to your up-right position?  (It’s OK if you just corrected your posture as you read this!)

Hand Movement.

An incredibly helpful tidbit I learned was from a speech communication professor. I have always communicated with my hands – but I found out I tend to err on the “too much hand movement” side of the scale. (I’m part Italian, it’s not my fault.) What I learned was important: too much hand movement can take away from what you’re saying – not add. This is particularly true for those who really need to focus on what it is you're saying (remember, not everyone is an auditory learner).

You may think it’s tedious but record yourself speaking. I know it seems rudimentary, but it’s not. You’ll witness your flailing arms – or lack thereof (let’s not look like we have cement in our fingers, either) and adjust accordingly.

Another note on hand movement: Just as frequency of use is important, so too are the formations. If you envision being scolded by a parent, what do you see? Pointed fingers. If you are aiming to influence a group of people, I do not advise leveraging “the point.” On the other hand, visualize someone welcoming you to their home. Do open arms come to mind? It’s been found a slight openness of the hands as you speak, present, etc., helps convey openness, collaboration, and trustworthiness.

More insights on powerful communication will be published soon! In the meantime, be cognizant of your posture, your digital etiquette, and your hand movements to ensure you are conveying the message you desire.

Your Mouth is Moving, But What Are You Saying?

Our communication is comprised of much more than the words we speak – and our nonverbal cues often give us away if we are being inconsistent with what’s coming out of our mouth. We think of Albert Mehrabian’s 55/38/7 rule (55 percent nonverbal, 38 percent vocal, seven percent verbal) for nonverbal communication. However, it has since been critiqued and challenged based on the nature of the study (and the specific scenarios it was measuring: when the nonverbal channel and the verbal channel are incongruent). Thus, his research is indeed useful when incongruency is at play (e.g., a grimacing face doesn’t equate to the “I’m fine” vocalization).

This helpful insight aside, what about all the other scenarios we witness each – and every – day? The big presentation, the influential leader, the flustered colleague on the other end of the phone, the <insert one of the many other scenarios here>? It’s no surprise our verbal and nonverbal communication play a big role. Rather than focusing on the minute detail of how much influence each communication bucket has, let’s focus on actionable insights for communicating what you set out to communicate. That’s the bottom line, right?

Set your intent.
Is your intent to educate, to motivate, or to influence? Depending upon what you’re aiming to achieve, you need to adjust both your verbal and nonverbal communication practices. (Ah, yes, this comes back to expectations. Let’s not have individuals leave the room guessing.)

Decide how you want to be perceived.
Let’s say I’m aiming to influence (my intent). I need acceptance on new policies being implemented and I want buy-in, as well as understanding, from my audience. I’m also an executive at the company.

Do I:

• Read my PowerPoint (or notes), slide by slide, and ask if there are questions at the end (think Mr. Roboto)?

or

• Do I set the expectations for the meeting, maintain my agenda (also in front of attendees), and simply use the PowerPoint, or notes, as a reference?

Which will make you think I actually believe what I’m saying, and am bought into the information being shared? Simple.

(Having a trusted colleague or confidant to run things by – i.e., your presentation – will help you not miss these important communicative measures.)

Consider all levels.
To whom are you speaking? What language are you using? Speak to – not above – your audience. We call this “inflated vocabulary.” Does your language get your point across clearly, or does it confuse your audience further? I’m not saying dumb-down your messaging, but make it easy-to-remember and use language that causes understanding, not confusion. (Yes, as a leader/senior executive, you need to be knowledgeable and intelligent, but it’s typically the manager’s job to teach and train people – why non-executive managers are so important!! Thus, know what you’re talking about, but speak in a manner that allows each and every person to take away your message with profound impact.)

Consider multiple learning forms.
Some of us our visual learners – others are auditory, others reading/writing, and yet others, kinesthetic. If your intent is to influence, should you not want to influence each and every person in the room? Here are some guidelines for varying styles that can be incorporated into any presentation – especially those you find particularly important.

Visual Learners: Prefer to see information and need to visualize relationship between ideas. [Provide charts and graphics – show relationships between various points.]

Auditory Learners: Prefer to hear information rather than reading it, or seeing it displayed. [Give listeners a chance to repeat your points back to you – or someone else. You can do this through asking questions and calling on the audience for answers.]

Reading/Writing Learners: Learn best when reading and writing – interacting with text is more powerful for them than hearing or seeing images.
[Provide quizzes or allow them to write down what they learned. An easy way to do this: provide handouts.]

Kinesthetic Learners: Hands-on, experiential learners. They learn best by doing.
[Role playing – if the environment allows it and/or facilitate a way for them to write down what you’re saying.]

Next week I’ll discuss multiple ways you can leverage your body language to support your presence – the presence you want to exude – particularly in our digital age.