What Are You Staring At?

We’ve all encountered this less-fortunate circumstance. We are speaking with someone and they are unintentionally (let’s hope it’s unintentional) staring blankly back at you. Their face is telling you they either care little for what you are saying, or they must have forgotten to take out the cat’s litter box.

What this tells us is two-fold:

1. Our physical actions speak volumes (especially when in opposition to the words coming out of our mouths).
2. We need to be cognizant of what our face says – and our body – not only when we are speaking, but when we are listening.

Common traits of effective leaders include intelligence, confidence, charisma, determination, integrity, and sociability. Typically, too, these traits are conveyed early in your interactions. Early impressions are made in less than seven seconds so we better be ready.

Be in the here and now.

In our digital age we are conditioned to be easily distracted. Whether it’s the laptop in front of you, the cell phone by your side, or the multiple alerts you’re receiving on your smart watch, we are beyond skillful at being anywhere but in the present moment. Not only does presence in and of itself encourage active listening, it ultimately saves time. When we actually hear something the first time, it does not have to be repeated. When there’s recognition of comprehension, conflict is less likely. Temporarily putting devices “on the shelf,” so to speak, will even improve relationships. Whether it’s your colleague or your spouse, you will be viewed as more engaged and respectful.  

Posture.

It’s a silent orchestra playing to your tune. Are you timid, embarrassed, and void of confidence? Or, do you believe in what you are saying, and can subtly encourage active listening with the ever-slight adjustment to your up-right position?  (It’s OK if you just corrected your posture as you read this!)

Hand Movement.

An incredibly helpful tidbit I learned was from a speech communication professor. I have always communicated with my hands – but I found out I tend to err on the “too much hand movement” side of the scale. (I’m part Italian, it’s not my fault.) What I learned was important: too much hand movement can take away from what you’re saying – not add. This is particularly true for those who really need to focus on what it is you're saying (remember, not everyone is an auditory learner).

You may think it’s tedious but record yourself speaking. I know it seems rudimentary, but it’s not. You’ll witness your flailing arms – or lack thereof (let’s not look like we have cement in our fingers, either) and adjust accordingly.

Another note on hand movement: Just as frequency of use is important, so too are the formations. If you envision being scolded by a parent, what do you see? Pointed fingers. If you are aiming to influence a group of people, I do not advise leveraging “the point.” On the other hand, visualize someone welcoming you to their home. Do open arms come to mind? It’s been found a slight openness of the hands as you speak, present, etc., helps convey openness, collaboration, and trustworthiness.

More insights on powerful communication will be published soon! In the meantime, be cognizant of your posture, your digital etiquette, and your hand movements to ensure you are conveying the message you desire.

Your Mouth is Moving, But What Are You Saying?

Our communication is comprised of much more than the words we speak – and our nonverbal cues often give us away if we are being inconsistent with what’s coming out of our mouth. We think of Albert Mehrabian’s 55/38/7 rule (55 percent nonverbal, 38 percent vocal, seven percent verbal) for nonverbal communication. However, it has since been critiqued and challenged based on the nature of the study (and the specific scenarios it was measuring: when the nonverbal channel and the verbal channel are incongruent). Thus, his research is indeed useful when incongruency is at play (e.g., a grimacing face doesn’t equate to the “I’m fine” vocalization).

This helpful insight aside, what about all the other scenarios we witness each – and every – day? The big presentation, the influential leader, the flustered colleague on the other end of the phone, the <insert one of the many other scenarios here>? It’s no surprise our verbal and nonverbal communication play a big role. Rather than focusing on the minute detail of how much influence each communication bucket has, let’s focus on actionable insights for communicating what you set out to communicate. That’s the bottom line, right?

Set your intent.
Is your intent to educate, to motivate, or to influence? Depending upon what you’re aiming to achieve, you need to adjust both your verbal and nonverbal communication practices. (Ah, yes, this comes back to expectations. Let’s not have individuals leave the room guessing.)

Decide how you want to be perceived.
Let’s say I’m aiming to influence (my intent). I need acceptance on new policies being implemented and I want buy-in, as well as understanding, from my audience. I’m also an executive at the company.

Do I:

• Read my PowerPoint (or notes), slide by slide, and ask if there are questions at the end (think Mr. Roboto)?

or

• Do I set the expectations for the meeting, maintain my agenda (also in front of attendees), and simply use the PowerPoint, or notes, as a reference?

Which will make you think I actually believe what I’m saying, and am bought into the information being shared? Simple.

(Having a trusted colleague or confidant to run things by – i.e., your presentation – will help you not miss these important communicative measures.)

Consider all levels.
To whom are you speaking? What language are you using? Speak to – not above – your audience. We call this “inflated vocabulary.” Does your language get your point across clearly, or does it confuse your audience further? I’m not saying dumb-down your messaging, but make it easy-to-remember and use language that causes understanding, not confusion. (Yes, as a leader/senior executive, you need to be knowledgeable and intelligent, but it’s typically the manager’s job to teach and train people – why non-executive managers are so important!! Thus, know what you’re talking about, but speak in a manner that allows each and every person to take away your message with profound impact.)

Consider multiple learning forms.
Some of us our visual learners – others are auditory, others reading/writing, and yet others, kinesthetic. If your intent is to influence, should you not want to influence each and every person in the room? Here are some guidelines for varying styles that can be incorporated into any presentation – especially those you find particularly important.

Visual Learners: Prefer to see information and need to visualize relationship between ideas. [Provide charts and graphics – show relationships between various points.]

Auditory Learners: Prefer to hear information rather than reading it, or seeing it displayed. [Give listeners a chance to repeat your points back to you – or someone else. You can do this through asking questions and calling on the audience for answers.]

Reading/Writing Learners: Learn best when reading and writing – interacting with text is more powerful for them than hearing or seeing images.
[Provide quizzes or allow them to write down what they learned. An easy way to do this: provide handouts.]

Kinesthetic Learners: Hands-on, experiential learners. They learn best by doing.
[Role playing – if the environment allows it and/or facilitate a way for them to write down what you’re saying.]

Next week I’ll discuss multiple ways you can leverage your body language to support your presence – the presence you want to exude – particularly in our digital age.

Remember: There's a Person Behind that Screen!

It’s been a burning question – and coincidentally one I have been hearing more from HR generalists at growing tech companies. “How do you create an effective virtual team and digital culture?”

Expectations.

Set them. Even if you have a laissez-faire approach to management, your team needs structure. (In fact, structure can help you be more effective with your day.) Expectations get a bad rap… But think about quarterly/annual reviews. It’s unfortunate we structure these formalized reviews in such a way that enable a once-in-a-while conversation to assess – and often critique – performance. Instead, shouldn’t performance, and correlated expectations, be fluid? If your employee receives a lackluster review, but you never speak with them about their professional shortcomings, do you think that’s their weakness, or yours?

Expectations are all the more essential with a virtual team. There’s something about being able to see a person each day (or even, each week). That eye-to-eye lock, the handshake, the 3-D elements that make us human. Yet, as I shared with you last week, this whole virtual management thing can be done (and done well). Our technology has caught-up to enabling virtual employees. We just need to know how to effectively use it.

As an expectations example, and to demonstrate the ripple effect it has, let’s say it’s important for you to hear from your virtual team members during Monday-morning meetings. Unfortunately, you’re left feeling frustrated because the virtual members often don’t contribute to the conversation.

Ask yourself:

1. Are you using technology conducive to their inclusion?
2. Did you convey that you want each virtual member to speak-up? In what capacity?
3. Have you shared the value with your on-site team members that there is in hearing from their virtual colleagues? (And even more essential – have you requested the onsite members be cognizant, and considerate, of those “present but not physically present”?)

If you’re frustrated by an absence of engagement, it’s probable the situation isn’t a one-way street.

Setting expectations, especially with thorough communication, results in behavioral change – and it’s those behaviors that construct (or reconstruct) culture. With expectations, there’s minimal ambiguity; this aids in communication efforts as well as accountability.  

Transparency.

Is the ethos of your team to be candid, forthright, and truly honest? Technological advances allow for just that. Take pay grades, for example. Historically this is a very sensitive topic. But what if it wasn’t anymore? What if there was a resource for earnings, and calculated measurements of justification (e.g., education, experience, etc.).  

Transparency doesn’t have to start with such grand gestures i.e., above... But, it should be omnipresent. We have social tools, chat functions, video technologies, and the like, to communicate. Is there a new release? Is there a policy change? How will that information be disseminated? Coming up with guidelines (yes, the notorious expectations) for how information is communicated, and how often it’s communicated, will ensure consistent transparency, even amidst rapid change.

Your People.

I realize you may not always be able to choose your team. However, when you can, take this into consideration: effective virtual team members typically have higher-than-average emotional intelligence, writing aptitude, and strong communicative tendencies. Yes, there are always some challenges (hence this list of guidelines) but this type of individual will likely not cause a lot of virtual headache.

Open Door Policy + Trust.

Without fostering trust among your team you’ll have a much harder time achieving resolve (and results). Practice a true open-door, honest exchange, policy. Actively put forth effort to engage the virtual team member.

A couple ideas:

• Ask them for a 60-second tour of their work space so the team can envision what their day-in-the-life looks like.
• Implement a five-minute “pre-business” discussion about anything other than work, on weekly calls.
• Initiate the distribution of surveys to measure team inclusion.
  • If the team feels disconnected, or there’s a defined line between the in-group and the out-group, change is needed!

It’s particularly important to significantly invest in your team early on in working together. That’s when the foundation is built for trust, rapport, and an exchange of ideas. Put aside your task-based leadership brain (temporarily), and engage the relationship-based leader!

There are a lot of helpful technological tools we have access to; but have you ever thought how you use them may affect the intended outcome? “Is this a Skype, Slack, Video chat, email, or phone type of conversation?” I recently published a cheat sheet for one of the largest privately held companies in the U.S. on the topic. Interested? I’ll gladly share it with you.

[OH! I almost forgot. Make sure people know how to use the technology that you’ve implemented. Whether that’s through company-wide training or one-on-one sessions for those who need a little time to adjust, do it without anyone needing to ask. Having resources at an arm’s reach will not only support adoption, it will encourage a culture that lacks apprehension to learn new things.]