What Makes Us Who We Are?

Well, who we are and who we become is comprised of many elements. Our experiences, beliefs, perception of identity, interpersonal relationships, upbringing… All of these facets contribute to the greater construct of our being. 

Often who we are is driven by what we want and what brings meaning, fortune, or happiness to life.  

The COVID-19 pandemic threw a wrench in the process of creating or maintaining our identity. It changed not only how we got our meaning but it changed our motivation too.

I love large public speaking engagements and I enjoy meeting with my clients face-to-face. This all changed with the pandemic. Not only was I unable to engage in intellectually stimulating conversations without getting eye fatigue, but I could not get the same response to presentations that I had grown accustomed to. Rather than gaining motivation from those talks, I was being drained of all my energy. The absence of observed interest and comprehension through body language really made my virtual sessions, talks, and the like a challenge for me. 

We all have a story like this. Our plans were derailed unexpectedly and swiftly. 

Rather than focus on the (many) challenges we’ve observed though -- from illness to layoffs to virtual schooling -- we must try to use this as a learning tool for the future. Part of this learning requires us to become aware of the fact that we can become easily attached to an "ideal state" regardless of whether we are fully in control (think career progression, childcare, etc.).

Could you control a global pandemic? No. Do you have every right to be disappointed about a different reality? Sure. But herein lies an opportunity to capture what it is that we love(d) so dearly about life before COVID-19... For example, Gathering. Presenting. Teaching. Learning. The list goes on. But, more importantly, what motivated you to keep going? What enabled belonging and happiness?  

With the Delta variant alive and well I am re-visiting the hard facts of what is and is not in my control and am seeking solutions to progress with honing my skills regardless of the motivation output vs. input reality. This adaptation and acceptance of doing business differently will, ultimately, provide me with a new skill and will also teach me more about just what it is that makes me tick. In the process, I will learn the power of being in the moment -- ultimately leading to a unique embrace of taking it as it comes in an effort to live a more contented life. 

Identify where your motivation is rooted, and adapt to the circumstance.

First posted on LinkedIn.

Too Busy to Be a Good Manager? Time to Reset.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Feeling mentally and physically drained as a manager of people? You’re not alone. Managers everywhere are grappling to keep up. Flexibility, empathy, consistency, and intentional leading takes energy. Thus, it’s no wonder many managers struggled during the pandemic’s peak which has flowed over into the present day.

How does one know what to say, or what to do when faced with circumstances never seen before? How a manager behaves is a pretty basic leadership style trait: There are people who are relationship-centric, and there are people who are task-centric. Both profiles are easily identifiable among managers – and from your own personal experiences, I’m sure you’re thinking of a manager who tended to lean one way or another. When managers are under stress which is compounded by “the unknowns” it can be easy to resort to what is most comfortable, regardless of what is best for the team. 

If you are a manager reading this, it’s probable you were trying to keep your head above water in the past year and a half. You may have become overly invested in personal experiences that ended up hurting productivity, or you may have compartmentalized other peoples’ issues as a concern that was not your own.  Perhaps now is the ideal moment to reflect upon what could be done better across the spectrum and how you can prepare for crises. Evaluate the current atmosphere and team dynamics to make up for the damage done or for the missed opportunities.

First, slow it down.

I get it, easier said than done. But the nation is catching up to this whole “people matter and we better invest in them” thing, so it is your job to take the steps needed to ensure the vitality and successes of your workgroup.

What helps slow things down, you may ask? Emotional regulation. How are you feeling, why are you feeling that way? Are you quick to react under stress, or do you reflect and respond? Impulsive decision-making – what I like to call “hectic direction” – will only cause uncertainty and concern among team members. Being thoughtful and poised is not to be confused with being slow. Steady yourself with deep breathing, fair turnaround time, and clear expectations about what can and cannot be done within predefined time frames.

Second, reignite feedback.

Whether your corporation provides formal reviews or not, you should be giving your team members regular, quarterly reviews. Work with your team members to set goals, output, timelines, and reasonable expectations about what a person can count on with upward mobility, pay, flexibility, or career pathing. Do you spend time with your team members individually? What are you doing to ensure their psychological safety? Listening is the first step to establishing trust and with trust, candid conversation and better performance will follow.

This is a great summer exercise to employ prior to the frenzy of back to school and the decrease in summer vacationing.

Is Your DEI Plan Taking Shape?

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

With the past 15 months behind us, we are starting to see some normality return. Face-to-face schooling, plans for fall sport revivals, women being able to return to work as the disproportionate labor(s) are deputed elsewhere… But we are also seeing a social shift: A new political climate, an increase of awareness about the stark contrast in opportunity for those underrepresented at work, and the pieces falling into place about the essentiality for defined and persistent DEI efforts within corporations.

As we re-enter physical working spaces, albeit with a slow and steady return, what can companies do to craft a thoughtful and meaningful Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion program?

First, we must take the time to understand the scope in needs of employees. As an example, I found in my recent research that working adults were far more likely to opt for time off, flexible schedules, and family leave before hoping for salary increases and other perks. The key here is to seek out responses from the collective of the organization, uncovering the concerns, needs, and opportunities for re-writing the norms of company culture as it pertains to inclusive decision-making. Case in point: Whom you seek out to answer these questions must be a diverse set of people within the company. A combination of qualitative and quantitative measures can provide the data you seek for determining what changes must take place, and then there needs to be a way to convey how in fact they will occur.

As a thought-starter:

• What are your representation goals for the coming year?

• How do you address overt internal discrimination?

• What can people do when they feel they are a part of an out-group?

• How are you addressing pay inequity?

If you haven’t considered the answers to these questions, it is time to do so. Realize also that it is one thing to inquire and it is another to act. The intent must be to institute change for better belonging and psychological safety and must also be paired with transparency. How are you going to reach that end goal? Being forthright about how to uncover pay inequity, for example, will demonstrate a commitment to all people within the organization (and a great place to start is a pay audit). Be upfront about the process, the timeline, and the intended outcomes. How will the inequities be corrected?

If you’re not sure – let’s brainstorm! There is only an opportunity for improvement ahead.  

Creating Confidence Through Action

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

Nearly every single person can relate to an experience of feeling intimidated. And what’s important to realize is that intimidation can quickly lead to negative self-talk, which can quickly lead to hesitation, second-guessing, and depleted confidence.

The best way to counter insecurities — or the fear of inferiority— is to practice mindfulness and actions to create confidence. Confidence can be increased and most notably, it can be increased in adulthood.

Research shows that women tend to be less confident and undervalue their competence, while men tend to overshoot their competence, which is directly linked to their high levels of self-confidence. The short and sweet psychological reasoning of it is this: girls observe the benefits received from people-pleasing and good behavior at a young age. They also see boys rough-housing and getting into trouble. This conditioning leads our girls to take fewer risks and consequently teaches them little about resilience in the process. The kicker? Resilience is a confidence builder. Conversely, boys get daily doses of resilience as they learn to accept criticism and consequence.

If you are a man you may think of the times you were reprimanded growing up. If you are a woman, you may relate to the narrative of ceasing “poor behavior” to keep your good grades, reputation, and likability intact. But what is seen to be important in childhood, such as being a well-behaved child, actually can set the stage for less success in adulthood. Research shows that confidence matters as much as competence to achieve promotions, raises, and even contentedness.

This means that as a people manager, we must encourage all within our teams to explore their confidence and guide the process. In order to create an inclusive climate, leading to better team cohesion, innovation, and productivity, discussing confidence is important.

You will likely find that based on the psychological undertones just briefly discussed here, women will benefit most from confidence creation, and men will learn their predispositions — demonstrating to all team members that there is room for personal growth and professional development. Consider sharing not only the science behind confidence (more can be read about the confidence gap by authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman) but provide the tools to your team to practice confidence builders.

As a starting point, ask team members what confidence means to them. More specifically, what does a “confident you” look like? ​

Second, ask team members what this confident person behaves like and what this person accomplishes.

Third, what does this person look like, and how does he or she present themself?

Envisioning what ​it is a person wants provides an opportunity for clarity. It also presents an opportunity to recognize areas for growth. In addition to this grounding visualization exercise, provide team members with resources — such as confidence tips and education. I provide weekly confidence hacks here on my company’s Instagram page.

Cheers to a more confident you — have a good week.