Listening Learnings

In my last post, I spoke about listening when you can’t hear. A true challenge that can end in people filling the void with their voice because it’s the only voice they hear well. But in the circumstance when you can hear well in general, are you being intentional about listening? 

In my coaching series, a focus area is that of listening. With each person who works with me, we dive into not only the types of listening (discriminative, comprehensive, critical, etc.), but the essentiality of the skill. Listening is indeed a skill, and it is one we do not often hone. Because of our broad ability to hear as a sense, we confuse this gift with being thoughtful about listening well. 

Walk down this path with me. Think of a person in your life who is a terrible listener. Perhaps he or she interjects, finishes your sentences, gazes into space, takes a phone call, responds to text messages, and has side-bar conversations. How does that person make you feel? Nine out of 10 times, the responses to this question are similar. When not listened to, people feel rejected, dismissed, unimportant, an inconvenience, insecure, or frustrated. But wait, what’s the flip? Think of a person in your life who is a strong listener. Someone who paraphrases your words, demonstrates through body language they are engaged, and maintains eye contact. How does this person make you feel? Again, sentiments are shared: the person who is listened to feels validated, heard, and at ease. (Is it any wonder we have an anxious generation??) 

Now that we’ve identified just some of the emotional value in listening to others, what else can it accomplish? Listening well can minimize miscommunication, establish trust, and even save time.

Just today, I can think of several examples I experienced and witnessed of others not listening well (or at all). While the act of listening can certainly improve interpersonal communication, it really is a tool to lean into when it comes to being a people manager. Setting a tone that your staff is worthy of being listened to is instrumental to your managerial skills.

Are you pretty confident you are a good listener? I guarantee you there is work to be done and I’ll be glad to help.

Are you Transacting as a Leader?

Clients are often faced with challenging circumstances at work, and each week we use  these obstacles as learning opportunities to ensure appropriate management. Sometimes in the minutiae of every day life, it’s difficult to allow time for future planning. This is, in part, a job of mine: amidst weekly learnings about effective management and resolving conflict, intention setting is important. 

What’s interesting about the phenomenon of learning is you truly do not know what you do not know. When considering what type of leader you want to be, you might think of descriptors such as charismatic, motivational, or servanthood. But there are actually a number of formalized leadership styles. What’s the benefit of being aware of these differing styles? It allows you to reflect on what you want to be (the intention-setting part). Similar to behavior, you can change your leadership style, but not without the awareness of what direction you want to head in.

Knowing your style helps direct your decision-making, and as a leader, that is paramount. There are numerous styles of leadership that aren’t inherently good or bad—they’re just different. They all have their benefits and drawbacks, as well as their appropriate uses in certain scenarios.

Today, I am sharing information about Transactional Leadership. It is not uncommon for me to see this type of leadership, especially for high performers (who often become leaders of teams due to their impressive track record). 

Simply put, transactional leaders give X and expect Y in return. 

Transactional leaders give instructions to their team members and then use different rewards and penalties to either recognize or minimize what they do in response.

Think of a leader offering praise to applaud a job well done, or mandating that a group member handles a despised department-wide task because they missed a deadline. Rewards and punishment are the way a transactional leader thinks. 

This is a “telling” style, but is often correlated to high-result work environments. So, a natural pro is that confusion is eliminated. Tasks and expectations are clearly mapped out by the leader. An undeniable con is that with such rigidity, creativity and innovation can be stifled and trust decreases. 

Food for thought: Do you transact as a leader? Where might you be falling short?

Managing People, Under Pressure

I naturally can’t help but think of Bowie and Queen when I consider being “under pressure” – and what a relevant description for many working people. We are often under pressure whether that pressure is because of a deadline or the amount of work we need to accomplish. 

What has become commonplace in most of Corporate America is high pressure and high stress. It’s no surprise that Americans work long hours, increase revenue goals YOY, and mandate higher work output (in less time). 

But how does being under pressure affect your ability to manage? It won’t take us long to think of an example when we were pressed for time and reacted poorly to a colleague or subordinate in response to the external stress factor. Stressors can leave you with a short fuse, and will inadvertently create an environment where your team may fear your inconsistency in mood. If you are fostering an environment of fear, trust will be hard to come by and collaboration/idea sharing will slow. 

Since KPIs, deadlines, and aggressive goals aren’t going away any time soon, what can you do to balance the pressures of work while also managing well? 

First, a great practice is being able to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. If you need pointers, revisit my post about mindfulness in management. When you observe that you are mad or anxious about something, you will be more likely to communicate your concern and not misplace your angst on a team member. 

Second, answer what is the worst outcome of the situation you are facing. When you work through worst-case circumstances, you are better equipped to deal with them, according to Hendrie Weisinger and J. P. Pawliw-Fry.

Third, and this may be counterintuitive but it’s proven, slow down. We are more likely to make mistakes when we are in a rush, and are most certainly more likely to make a mess both interpersonally and with the task at hand when we are only processing in our emotional brain (thank you amygdala). By pausing, breathing, and engaging our prefrontal cortex (the most developed part of our brain) we will be poised to solve problems, reason soundly, and even be more creative. 

Mindfulness in Leadership

If we all implemented mindfulness in daily life – whether at work or at home – I have no doubt we would see the benefits as a collective. We might observe a decrease in reactivity, an increase in listening, and likely a shift in focus. As I take clients through my initial 15-session series for individual coaching, we address mindfulness as a self-regulation practice. This methodology is intended to help leaders take a brief pause, assessing feelings throughout the day, especially when feeling “overwhelmed.” It’s efficient to say “overwhelmed” or “busy” but in actuality, we might feel anger, embarrassment, sadness, or even fear. Such feelings might emerge when your team has made a sizable mistake, when you have a tight deadline, when you’ve worked a 13-hour day, when there’s legal trouble, or when there are pending layoffs… the list goes on.

The reason mindfulness can be a powerful tool in a leader’s toolbelt is two-fold. First, it does not require the allocation of funds (no apps or technology needed!). Second, it changes behavior over time; managers will become more behaviorally predictable and anger less readily. With a simple practice each day we can rewire our brains and it will have an immediate effect on those around us. 

In fact, there was a 2019 German study with almost 60 organizational teams. The researchers found that leaders who participated in mindfulness practice (or “intervention”) demonstrated lower aggression (when rated by their employees) and stronger transformational leadership behaviors than compared to the control group. While reading a book on management can surely shed light on topics managers know not of, the practice of mindfulness is just that: A practice. And you will improve over time. 

Ultimately, mindfulness will support you (as a manager, leader, or even individual contributor) to become a more effective communicator. When we are aware of our feelings, we have improved self-regulation which allows for more purposeful discourse and this allows space for diffusing conflict. 

If you’re interested in learning more and want a “how to” on mindfulness, drop me a note here.

First published on LinkedIn