Just in Time for the Holidays: Tips on Managing Conflict

Conflict is like change – it’s constant. With the holidays in full swing, you are bound to face conflict in the coming weeks. But how can you best address it? Continue reading…

Conflict, and the stress that comes along with it, can be a key contributor to health problems, e.g., sleep issues, excessive eating, and can even increase the likelihood of a heart attack. And, stress is often associated with the holiday season. The good news is this: You can at least effectively manage the stress that derives from conflict by understanding the following…

There are four primary types of conflict. These include Relationship Conflict, Task Conflict, Process Conflict, and Status Conflict. While we see all four types of conflict in places of work, we typically see Relationship and Process Conflict in the home, which is what we will focus on today since you’re about to see relatives and might be responsible for this year’s cooking.

Relational conflict revolves around personal issues. It’s a feeling we know too well — a clash of personality, so to speak. These relationship-related forms of conflict consist of communication cues such as avoiding eye contact, using condescending tones during discussions, or sudden outbursts of anger / a rise in voice to one another.

When we manage this form of conflict well, we will learn more about ourselves and others. With the ability to not engage in these emotionally-charged behaviors, you can actually gain insight: If someone is reactive, what type of communication may you need to use with them in the future? If you're being difficult (let's face it, we know when we are) you should think about why. There’s a concept called “regulatory fit.” This simply means that we are more likely to put effort into the things we like doing. If you do not enjoy interacting with someone, you likely do not put effort into it, and this can lead to contempt. Thus, your knowledge of this should help you soften your edges.

And then there’s Process conflict. You’ll see this one this season as well — this refers to how something gets done, how quickly, and even who gets consulted in the process... Think: “That’s not how you wrap the presents, Sally.” or “You didn’t ask my mom for her opinion on the recipe?!” (At work, this can manifest itself through a disagreement in how you should implement policies, how quickly something should be rolled out, or who should be consulted. These are all relevant to the “how.”)

The variance in how we do something can actually be enlightening. It brings about hidden solutions. On many occasions I had team members share how they completed something, or how they reached an outcome. I not only was pleased they found a new method, but they taught me something in the process. When the in-laws’ way of doing things seem somewhat abstract, keep an open mind. Not sweating over the small stuff will ease conflict and your blood pressure.

Acknowledgement In the Workplace: A Retention Strategy

Following my Manager Trapdoors: Four Themes to Correct post, I promised to address the relevance of acknowledgement in the workplace. Identifying acknowledgement as a necessity to contentment at work may seem like a no brainer, but it easily falls through the cracks. Let’s look at the importance of acknowledgement, as well as some easy steps to implement acknowledgment into your day.

The days go by, your teams produce work, and life goes on. Do they feel appreciated for their work? This is a question worth asking.

Acknowledgement not only builds trust, it energizes people. Without a trustworthy environment where motivation is fostered, disengagement is painfully relevant. Gallup estimates that U.S. productivity loss, as a result of disengaged employees, is about $500 billion a year. Further, disengaged employees take an average of 4.5 more sick days per year than actively engaged employees. When the Society for Human Resource Management polled participants for the number one reason they leave a job, the answer was a lack of appreciation.  

Acknowledgement, Recognition, and Appreciation

Judy Umlas, author of the Power of Acknowledgement identified recognition and acknowledgement as two distinct actions.  Recognition is the appreciation of an action. This is the “job well-done” commentary. Thank you for completing a task on time. Think of actions, and their associated result. Conversely, she identifies acknowledgement as the heart-felt appreciation for the person as a whole. This requires a manager to really know their team member. Thank you for being an exceptional listener in that client meeting or I appreciate your natural ability to be genuine. This isn’t the surface-stuff. It’s the underlying behaviors.  

Appreciation, on the other hand, can be accomplished by both acknowledgement and recognition. If we are seeing people flock away due to the absence of appreciation, we have many options in correcting the virus.

To that point, any deficiency in acknowledgement, recognition, and appreciation, contributes to disengagement. Gallup has identified the following:

-       About 30 percent of currently employed people are actively engaged. This is the type of person we should want to see in our organizations. These individuals work with passion, want to succeed, and are committed to their jobs.

-       About 50-52 percent are not engaged employees. They are checked out. Energy is lacking and they do the minimum. (Anyone surprised by this number? Me too.)

-       Then, it’s suggested 18 percent are actively disengaged. The negativity is venomous. From irresponsibility, to speed to criticize, and blatant unhappiness, we’ve all seen a person or two in our careers who demonstrate these behaviors.  

Steps to Take

As a quick background on just one leadership theory, the behavioral approach focuses on what leaders do rather than who leaders are. The behavioral approach suggests that leaders engage in two primary types of behaviors: task behaviors and relationship behaviors. In my work as a management consultant, I have identified the best leaders are focused slightly more (and sometimes significantly so) on relationship behaviors. Can managers be leaders? Absolutely. But the core definitions differ. (Get some more clarity on the difference here.) The point here is this: relationship-oriented leaders and managers will opt to engage in appreciative behaviors more often than their task-oriented counter parts. Unsure where you fall? I can share a great assessment tool with you for self-exploration.  

If you find a team member demonstrating some disengagement traits, try the following.

• Acknowledge them (see above for an example!)

• Recognize them (see above for an example!)

• Listen to them. True listening is a form of acknowledgement. It is validating and truly helps team members feel they are an important part of the team.  

• Adjust your behaviors; try implementing a practice to recognize each of your employees at least once (everyone can do that!) a week.

Have you done all these things and still no luck? Drop me a line.

Until next time –
Brielle