As I coach tenured and new managers, one of the many recurring themes I hear about is the rampant interpersonal conflict within organizations. If there is conflict, the organization is not unique; in fact, if business owners believe there is little conflict among their team members, I am comfortable telling them they are wrong.

Conflict avoidance is something we learn from a young age. Rather than addressing the way we feel, we look to our caregivers to fix the discomfort. While I am not suggesting you leave your young children to fight their battles on the playground without guidance, I do think there is validity in fighting our own battles from a young(ish) age. We were conditioned to have the parent, the sitter, the teacher, and then the boss, help fix our problems. Yes, I am a proponent of assisting employees in sorting through issues, but it is not about “doing it for them.” The enablement concept is closely linked with employee entitlement (and let’s make sure we are not encouraging that).

The key here: do not avoid the topics that cause tension (employees often want to go around the issues) but instead we need to work through them.

Avoidance of conflict, which mainly is attributed to our golden conditioning of thinking conflict is terrible, only fills the gas tank. Rather than simple disagreement, conflict is stored and builds upon itself. The person with whom you had a conflict now appears only to be or bring bad news. Typically, this is not the case – but we have filed it in our brain bank as “bad.”

If you reach this point, it is probable you think addressing conflict is too exhausting and time-consuming. But the truth is: you need to face conflict as it rises. When you do not, it becomes overwhelming. You end up anxious, overly angry, and unsure as to why you despise a person so vehemently.

If your conflict fuel tank is overflowing, it is time to start addressing (through), not avoiding (around) it.

This article was first published on LinkedIn.

Did you know there is very little scientific data about the differences among generations? The studies that have been conducted indicate generational nuances are more about life-stage as opposed to directly correlated attributes of a generation, e.g., entitlement. [I bet you can guess which generation is labeled as entitled, even though I did not indicate!] What this says is two-fold. First, the discourse has led to assumed normality’s, when in actuality certain adjectives are not indicative of generations. Yet, we associate baby-boomers with being sheltered by their not-so-sheltered Traditionalist parents, and we associate Gen Xers with being stealth-bomb parents (the marginalized generation who didn’t get enough attention). Second, it says we are looking at the problem at a micro, not macro, scale.

Here’s the deal: a team member can be 20, 30, or 40 and still behave like an entitled frog prince (or princess). I recently read a great article about the effects of entitlement on human resource management and the managerial challenges that entitlement poses. The entitlement plague is not a generation; it is a mindset that is fueled by culture. A culture dedicated to social media, television, and the internet. This “me first” society is the conditioning tool, and we are Pavlov’s dog. We are speaking before we listen, pushing before we yield, and doing all of this while looking in the mirror (not for introspection purposes, but because we are vain). If that does not sound like the perfect mix to produce narcissists, I do not know what does.

OK, but you still have that entitled employee. There are steps to take as a manager to help them evolve, and ensure your sanity in the process (and, if you follow my blog, you may already have the answers).

So much of what I talk about is rooted in expectations: both organizationally and on the team level. A plan of attack to address entitlement includes:

Refer to company policies: values, mission, ethics code, and code of conduct. Know these well and make sure your team does, too.
Review and reiterate team expectations. Rather than “produce results,” quantify those results. Increase your client base by 10% in the next four months. Precise clarity reduces employees' ability to exaggerate (or inflate results, which is sometimes seen by entitled individuals).
Appreciate your team, but also get creative. Change bringing in bagels every week on Thursdays to bringing the team to get coffee, or having an offsite meeting. Regularity can breed entitlement. “Where are my bagels??”
Counter entitlement with its antidote: gratitude. [Need help incorporating gratitude into your team? I have tips!]
Do not wait until it is too late to address concerns. Speak with the instigator of entitlement sooner rather than later. Identify what behaviors are problematic and why.

Initially published on LinkedIn through my Articles

Full: The Conflict Fuel Tank

Help! My Employee is Entitled.