My Boss Never Learned How to Manage (Well)

If you follow me, you know I write about how to manage well, and that good managers are ultimately leaders. As perplexing as this concept might be, it’s actually quite intuitive, as Lisa Gillette and I spoke about last week. As a manager you must be tactical and manage a process; as a leader your job is to inspire and motivate your people.

If the focus is on procedural cadence alone, a manager may be quick to critique and slow to encourage (forgetting that vital human element). And herein lies a shared sentiment among many: "My boss never learned how to manage well.”

I am confident in my assertion that control-based issues (which inspires fears in team members and not empowerment) is a direct result of insecurity. But this isn’t shocking if your manager was never taught how to manage. [Spoiler: Most people aren’t and you might not be able to wait for them to get savvy.]

A common theme I witness in start-ups and mid-sized corporations alike, is a severe case of control through intimidation and minimization. In long form, they need everyone - especially those senior to them - to think they know what they’re doing, even amidst arguable incompetence. And, what’s more, this energy permeates throughout the team with credit theft at the helm.

This raises a combination of issues to address, but we’ll focus on just one to start: What do you do when your boss is quick to minimize (pointing fingers or never taking ownership), and slow to award credit or give recognition for your work? 

It's not about you.
When your boss is reactive and dismissive, it's hard not to take it personally. So what can you do about it? You can count to 10 and take deep breaths (to engage your parasympathetic nervous system); You can realize that this is a communication inadequacy, and you can talk to them about it. “When I hear you respond this way it makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Am I misunderstanding you?” You can tell them what you need: Your manager may need to smooth some rough edges, but they also are not mind readers.

Communicate.
Ah, yes, the notorious directive to communicate. But seriously. Sometimes managers are in their emotional brain - waving through the motions and focusing only on work output, with little empathy or concern for others. But what happens when a level-headed team member raises concerns about this behavior? I'll tell you what: They are taken aback and it just may encourage some self-reflection.

Here are three communication talk tracks that you can adopt or tweak for your comfort level when you're feeling belittled:

1. "In order for me to be the most effective I can be, I need to feel supported and I am not receiving that [support] [recognition] [respect]. Are you willing to work with me toward rectification?"

2. "It seems there's concern around my capabilities. What can I do to earn your trust?" 

3. "I suspect we can be more effective; Can you help me understand your frustration toward me?" 

The best thing to do when you're addressing conflict, especially of this nature, is to remain calm and clear-headed. Envision yourself assuming an inquisitive nature, not a combative one. Note: Being calm does not minimize your strength! Ultimately, addressing these issues can change your manager's behavior, improving the environment you face each day. 

Even if your boss never learned how to manage well, don’t lose hope yet. Take it upon yourself to manage-up and try the above. Questions or comments? Feel free to share. 

People Management Strategy: A Tip

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Last quarter I wrote about increasing performance by improving team engagement. Assessing engagement levels, or lack thereof can help organizational leaders diagnose cultural challenges and implement solutions. 

What is interesting about leadership consulting is clients often seek advice and support when there is emerging dissonance – whether interdepartmentally or at the individual level – or akin to the example of when performance is suffering. And this is what I want to focus on today: A tip on how to be proactive in your people management strategy. 

Whether you are unsure where to begin with your people operations or are already aware of some issues needing resolve, I want you to think about managing people (and crafting or maintaining a company culture) as a constant. It is not ripping off a bandaid nor is it a checkbox on your to-do list. Sorry, people are complex! And that complexity includes an array of considerations – not only personal circumstances, but professional demands, social tensions, political unrest, and the like. This gestalt view is a helpful way to see the world; the ebbs and flows of life will remain regardless of a team win or losing an at risk client. It is part of everyday life. 

Thus, when determining or refining a people operations strategy, look for a solution that is comprehensive and less segmented, e.g., “one-and-done training.” For example, while unconscious bias training is of utmost relevance and is a mainstay for DEI programming, I argue that this should not be a stand-alone program. Instead, it should be baked into the coaching curriculum for management education. It’s not an add-on but rather an integral part of managing. If we want to build inclusive workplaces, the subject matter of inclusion must be fundamental, not additional.  

If I think about any large group presentation I’ve ever attended, I will be the first to admit that I must take notes. Otherwise, I tune out. Adults have an average attention span of 8.25 seconds – yikes! While I won’t pick apart why our attention spans are decreasing, I will make this point: If we are sitting for a 60-minute training, it better be compelling. But what happens when it’s not? It is a missed opportunity for learning.

This is why incorporating fundamental concepts into regular discourse is more effective. A person engaged in 1:1 conversation is significantly more likely to stay focused than when he is one of many in the crowd, thanks to decreased distractions and stimulation — and this is why I include inclusion education in all of my management coaching. It’s simply foundational and will not only improve psychological safety (a factor to increasing engagement) but will be a more cost-effective, and proactive, approach to learning and development within the business. 

Get in touch to learn how I can help your team.

Need to Drive Performance? Check Engagement.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Research shows that the key factor in promoting higher performance is engagement. It’s not employee satisfaction or even commitment to the job. Thus, it is critical that people (and notably managers) develop a clear understanding of what engagement is and is not for their team members.

Why might this exercise of identifying strategies to increase engagement be worthwhile? Well, in companies where ~65 percent of employees are engaged, shareholder returns are approximately 24 percent. Compare that to companies with only ~55 percent engagement: Shareholder returns are as low as 5 percent! What’s more, teams with high engagement experience less than a third of turnover compared to those not engaged.

Engagement is a commonly used term and it is often times conceptualized in much the same way as other employee attitudes (such as satisfaction and commitment). While engagement is related to these attitudes, it is distinct. Rather than defining the terms, let’s consider what it looks like. 

People who are engaged are absorbed in their work – both physically and mentally. In fact, engagement is something you can see in people – it is visible in the form of high levels of effort, involvement, and even mindfulness. An engaged individual is often energized by their work and difficult to distract. These individuals value and identify with the work they are doing (so much so the work might not even feel like work). They are slow to discourage by obstacles (in fact, they thrive on solving problems), and they sincerely care that things go well. 

Now that we know what it looks like, and we know that it’s a silver bullet for company performance (if you are interested in more data justification, drop me a note), how do we actually increase engagement? 

There are three drivers of engagement. These include Psychological Meaningfulness, Psychological Safety, and Psychological Availability. 

The first dimension is called Psychological Meaningfulness and this is having a reason to engage. This has much to do with the characteristics of one's job; it is essential that positions are structured to include “high motivating potential.” Jobs that have high motivating potential tend to be challenging and allow space for both autonomy and impact. 

The second dimension is called Psychological Safety. While intuitive, this has to do with whether or not people experience the freedom and the safety to engage in their work rather than feeling like they have to protect themselves in some way. (Have you ever felt like you couldn’t dare speak up with a suggestion to do something differently? Yeah, you’ve experienced a situation without complete psychological safety). 

The third dimension is Psychological Availability. This has to do with the capacity to engage. “Do I have what it takes to engage fully in my job?” This is much more circumstantial for the individual. Take a person’s physical energy, for example. If there is a poor balance between work and home, renewal is hard to come by and that will undoubtedly put a strain on the job (think burnout). The other facet of this third dimension is a person's confidence in their ability to do the job. In order for people to be really engaged in their work, they have to feel confident that if they invest themselves in their work, they're likely to succeed. And this is why reskilling, continual training, and developmental opportunities and feedback are essential. 

In Brief: 

1. Psychological Meaningfulness: Having a reason to engage

2. Psychological Safety: Having the freedom and safety to engage

3. Psychological Availability: having the capacity to engage (and support to do so)

These dimensions have a great deal of nuance and if you are presently experiencing an engagement crisis you are not alone. Many companies are facing a heightened challenge with engagement after well over two years of employees managing heightened emotional and physical stressors. If this is the case for your group, contact me.

Bear in mind there is also a significant amount of reading you can do on the topic of employee engagement if you prefer a self-study approach. Thanks to the seminal research of William Kahn who crafted the Work Engagement Theory and is also considered the Father of Employee Engagement, there is much to be gleaned from his work on how to increase not only company performance and employee retention, but will also improve the health and well-being of your employees. 

Are We Back to "Normal" Yet?

Photo by Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash

No, We Are Not Quite Yet Back to “Normal.” 

It’s been a while since I’ve written an article and posted on my blog. In part because of life responsibilities, in part because of my own conation, and in part because of exciting work commitments. But, it has been too long and thus I will be back on a quarterly basis to share my two cents about how we can observe current events or life circumstances and extract a valuable leadership and/or management lesson. 

Back to the topic at hand. We are *all* excited to get back to “normal.” What normal means differs from person to person, though, and upon reflection, my perception of normal may have evolved over the past two years. I think we can all agree that normalcy includes a decreased need for masking and an increase in social activities. Normal might even mean some time in an office space, on mass transit, less shopping online, and dining out. 

And while we dabble in the removal of social distancing and masking and aim to enjoy our lives again, we are met with an onslaught of disengagement, burnout, disregard (for fellow humans), and dwindling customer service. I know that if I easily know five people who are experiencing or who have experienced these feelings/encounters, I have no doubt that you have a list handy, too. In fact, you might be experiencing feelings of shoddy customer service or utter fatigue and burnout *right now.* What’s my point? Well, the pandemic may be ending, and things may be returning to normal, but there are lasting effects that we must become aware of and work to improve – NOW. 

Notably, the APA is incredibly concerned for the mental health of our youth – so much so that it has defined the deterioration of mental health in children as a crisis. And, as already alluded to adults aren’t all that with it either. From (the many) altercations on airlines to the hissy fits I see almost daily on the street, I fear we have forgotten how to co-exist. Turns out, there’s some truth to this assertion. 

The number one reason for people behaving in rude or uncivil ways is stress. And we all have undoubtedly experienced at least some stress throughout this pandemic. I need not go into the laundry list of just why people may have experienced stress of late, but it is worth reflecting upon how you, as an individual, feel you deal with stress. Are you more reactive? Less compassionate? Impatient? Quick to madden? Is it any wonder that conflict is stirring around us? I think not. 

What’s more, rudeness (a derivative of poor emotional regulation, caused by frequent and compounded stress), can be contagious. Say you get a delivery that was tossed around in the truck that it came to you on, and then it is used as a soccer ball in the street (you imagine). You now need to not only submit a claim with the company from which you purchased the item and hope for a replacement, but you must determine how to return the product in its botched packaging. Then, moments later, you are taking a call with a colleague who made a mistake on a project and you are noticeably short with them, striking an attack on their competency. You have passed on the angst you’ve just endured. According to Porath, people are three times less likely to help someone else if they feel they have been treated poorly. This means that we might go out of our way to be unkind, rather than kind, and that will consequently motivate the next person to pass on the snub. 

In the context of the work environment – whether onsite or at home – our actions definitionally affect others. This means that as a manager or as a colleague, we must be aware that our resiliency against rudeness has waned; we are at risk of infection! There is little chance for constructive feedback or conflict resolution in this state if we let the rude contagion win. The saying “kindness, pass it on” might need to be our new mantra, especially as we aim to get back to “normal.” A profound finding? Perhaps not, but I am taking note that in the days ahead I will put kindness at the forefront of my actions and communication. Try it with me. 

Until next time,

Brielle

First published on LinkedIn