Are We Back to "Normal" Yet?

Photo by Andrew Thornebrooke on Unsplash

No, We Are Not Quite Yet Back to “Normal.” 

It’s been a while since I’ve written an article and posted on my blog. In part because of life responsibilities, in part because of my own conation, and in part because of exciting work commitments. But, it has been too long and thus I will be back on a quarterly basis to share my two cents about how we can observe current events or life circumstances and extract a valuable leadership and/or management lesson. 

Back to the topic at hand. We are *all* excited to get back to “normal.” What normal means differs from person to person, though, and upon reflection, my perception of normal may have evolved over the past two years. I think we can all agree that normalcy includes a decreased need for masking and an increase in social activities. Normal might even mean some time in an office space, on mass transit, less shopping online, and dining out. 

And while we dabble in the removal of social distancing and masking and aim to enjoy our lives again, we are met with an onslaught of disengagement, burnout, disregard (for fellow humans), and dwindling customer service. I know that if I easily know five people who are experiencing or who have experienced these feelings/encounters, I have no doubt that you have a list handy, too. In fact, you might be experiencing feelings of shoddy customer service or utter fatigue and burnout *right now.* What’s my point? Well, the pandemic may be ending, and things may be returning to normal, but there are lasting effects that we must become aware of and work to improve – NOW. 

Notably, the APA is incredibly concerned for the mental health of our youth – so much so that it has defined the deterioration of mental health in children as a crisis. And, as already alluded to adults aren’t all that with it either. From (the many) altercations on airlines to the hissy fits I see almost daily on the street, I fear we have forgotten how to co-exist. Turns out, there’s some truth to this assertion. 

The number one reason for people behaving in rude or uncivil ways is stress. And we all have undoubtedly experienced at least some stress throughout this pandemic. I need not go into the laundry list of just why people may have experienced stress of late, but it is worth reflecting upon how you, as an individual, feel you deal with stress. Are you more reactive? Less compassionate? Impatient? Quick to madden? Is it any wonder that conflict is stirring around us? I think not. 

What’s more, rudeness (a derivative of poor emotional regulation, caused by frequent and compounded stress), can be contagious. Say you get a delivery that was tossed around in the truck that it came to you on, and then it is used as a soccer ball in the street (you imagine). You now need to not only submit a claim with the company from which you purchased the item and hope for a replacement, but you must determine how to return the product in its botched packaging. Then, moments later, you are taking a call with a colleague who made a mistake on a project and you are noticeably short with them, striking an attack on their competency. You have passed on the angst you’ve just endured. According to Porath, people are three times less likely to help someone else if they feel they have been treated poorly. This means that we might go out of our way to be unkind, rather than kind, and that will consequently motivate the next person to pass on the snub. 

In the context of the work environment – whether onsite or at home – our actions definitionally affect others. This means that as a manager or as a colleague, we must be aware that our resiliency against rudeness has waned; we are at risk of infection! There is little chance for constructive feedback or conflict resolution in this state if we let the rude contagion win. The saying “kindness, pass it on” might need to be our new mantra, especially as we aim to get back to “normal.” A profound finding? Perhaps not, but I am taking note that in the days ahead I will put kindness at the forefront of my actions and communication. Try it with me. 

Until next time,

Brielle

First published on LinkedIn

What Makes Us Who We Are?

Well, who we are and who we become is comprised of many elements. Our experiences, beliefs, perception of identity, interpersonal relationships, upbringing… All of these facets contribute to the greater construct of our being. 

Often who we are is driven by what we want and what brings meaning, fortune, or happiness to life.  

The COVID-19 pandemic threw a wrench in the process of creating or maintaining our identity. It changed not only how we got our meaning but it changed our motivation too.

I love large public speaking engagements and I enjoy meeting with my clients face-to-face. This all changed with the pandemic. Not only was I unable to engage in intellectually stimulating conversations without getting eye fatigue, but I could not get the same response to presentations that I had grown accustomed to. Rather than gaining motivation from those talks, I was being drained of all my energy. The absence of observed interest and comprehension through body language really made my virtual sessions, talks, and the like a challenge for me. 

We all have a story like this. Our plans were derailed unexpectedly and swiftly. 

Rather than focus on the (many) challenges we’ve observed though -- from illness to layoffs to virtual schooling -- we must try to use this as a learning tool for the future. Part of this learning requires us to become aware of the fact that we can become easily attached to an "ideal state" regardless of whether we are fully in control (think career progression, childcare, etc.).

Could you control a global pandemic? No. Do you have every right to be disappointed about a different reality? Sure. But herein lies an opportunity to capture what it is that we love(d) so dearly about life before COVID-19... For example, Gathering. Presenting. Teaching. Learning. The list goes on. But, more importantly, what motivated you to keep going? What enabled belonging and happiness?  

With the Delta variant alive and well I am re-visiting the hard facts of what is and is not in my control and am seeking solutions to progress with honing my skills regardless of the motivation output vs. input reality. This adaptation and acceptance of doing business differently will, ultimately, provide me with a new skill and will also teach me more about just what it is that makes me tick. In the process, I will learn the power of being in the moment -- ultimately leading to a unique embrace of taking it as it comes in an effort to live a more contented life. 

Identify where your motivation is rooted, and adapt to the circumstance.

First posted on LinkedIn.

Back to the (Communication) Basics.

Communication encompasses a myriad of elements. From the words that we say, to the expression on our face, or the way we are sitting upright, communicating is a lot more than considering which words will be best strung together for comprehension sake.

Image from Lee Campbell

As we navigate working from home, video-calling, and bad connections, we are faced with new communication hurdles. Your screen may freeze on you with a half-way (seemingly displeasing) stare, or your calling app may need an update causing tardiness and an interruption several minutes into a meeting. Amidst all of this, we need to remember that listening, now more than ever, is an integral part of communication.

If there’s one flop we can all relate to (guilty or not), it’s talking over each other. Especially in a virtual working environment. Add in some background noise, people beeping in and out, or a long-winded talker, and you have yourself a challenging circumstance to ensure effective communication.

The owner of each meeting must be present and taking an active part in spreading the “spotlight.” It takes effort to see who has a question (fortunately, the chat feature works well for building up a queue if there is not an opportunity to verbally interject). The point for this post is less about meeting management – although I can cover that in coming weeks – it is about active listening. While listening is particularly important for managers, it is a lost skill for many of us.

Are you pausing to speak to allow another person to finish their thought, or are you barging ahead to say your piece? Are you thinking about what you will say next (or about what’s for dinner), or are you internalizing the words that are being spoken?

As a painless starting point, ask yourself the aforementioned questions. Can you be a better listener? With a slight increase in effort, our prolonged WFH life can be a little less of a communicative calamity.

First posted to LinkedIn.

Need a Differentiator? Master EQ.

If you think about it, what is the common thread throughout all business?  People.

Emotional intelligence is defined in a myriad of ways, but the short and sweet version: it is the ability for a person to be aware of their feelings and others, while also controlling emotions, being thoughtful with responses.

Whether we are communicating with a family member, or a Fortune 100 company, understanding others, acting empathetically, and adjusting for the environment is 

Positivity Meets Reality: The world is not perfect, no. Far from it in fact. Yet, positive people often lift those up around them and approach issues as opportunities. When people are able to take challenges or obstacles and look at them for what they are - challenging but not life-threatening – the positive outlook perseveres.

Stress Management:  How do you manage your stress? Whether someone cuts you off on the highway or smacks you in the face with an umbrella (more common in NYC), that is no reason to let your day unravel. I propose: be aware of your frustration, recognize it for what it is, accept it, and move on. Deep breathing helps (as does some intense exercise!).

Take note: Facial expressions and body language speak loudly. If someone is avoiding eye contact or shifting their weight, is the conversation worth having? Or, is someone beginning to stir with anger? Being aware of others’ behaviors and body language can help circumvent heightened arguments or can save time. Hold the challenging discussion for time all parties can be attentive and thoughtful.

Higher EQ supports team alignment, reduces conflict, lowers stress, and fuels the positivity tank. Unsurprisingly, positive spins result in proactivity and solution-focused perspectives, as opposed to reactivity (its evil twin).

Keep fighting the good fight!

First published on LinkedIn